


Loki Claws

by needleyecandy



Category: Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff, Loki wants to be good but there's a learning curve, M/M, Silly, brief animal fight, sexual innuendo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-25
Updated: 2015-12-25
Packaged: 2018-05-09 06:57:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5530166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/needleyecandy/pseuds/needleyecandy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki wants redemption, so when Santa Claus disappears a few hours before Christmas, it’s his big chance to save the day!  </p><p>(It's lucky Thor's there.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Loki Claws

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Twelve](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5243624) by [Hermaline75](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hermaline75/pseuds/Hermaline75). 



> Merry Christmas/December 25th, everyone!
> 
> This was inspired by Hermaline75's Twelve and by The Nightmare Before Christmas. If you haven't seen it, 0:55-1:10 of [this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vHLgob-PpIk) will help this story make more sense. I really hope it plays outside the US.

"Thor, wake up!"

"Hmm? Oww, Loki, get your knee off my kidney."

Loki did as Thor asked. Thor rolled over to find his brother bouncing with excitement. "Thor, we're desperately needed on Midgard."

"The last time you went to Midgard you tried to enslave them. I don't think they want you back."

"But this is my chance to be a hero! I can make it all up to them. Thor, I," he announced, "am going to save Christmas."

"What do you mean?"

"Their Sandy Claws has gone missing. Only I can save the day."

"Santa Claus," Thor corrected absently. "And what do you mean he's missing? What happened to him?" It wasn't like he and Santa Claus were on terms of particular friendship, but all Midgard's heroes had at least a nodding acquaintance.

"Let's not worry about that just now," Loki said. "I am going to deliver toys to the children of the world, and I need you to be my elf."

"I look nothing like an elf. You are far more suited to the role." Not to mention the fact that of the two of them, Thor was the one who could actually fly. And was nice to humans.

"Which one of us is a giant?" Loki asked.

"A very small-"

"I am the giant, so you must be my elf."

"You really want this?" Thor asked. He would have preferred to be searching for Santa and making sure he was well. When he looked at Loki's face, though... he hadn't seen his brother like this in _so_ long.

"I do. Do this for me," Loki pleaded, pulling down the blankets and casting an admiring eye over every inch of Thor's body, "and I will make it _very_ worth your while."

"You mean..."

Loki nodded. "The spider gag and the rocking chair. I'll let you."

Thor got up. "How do we start?"

"I'll be busy making the toys. I thought you could go ahead of me and tell them not to shoot us down?"

"I can do that." It would also give him a chance to inquire into Santa's whereabouts.

Thor dressed quickly while Loki began making the toy templates which he would then charm to replicate in his bag. Heimdall was already opening the door into the Yggdrasil forest and sending the Bifrost gleaming through.

"Thank you, my friend!" Thor called as he flew past.

He travelled quickly, following the Bifrost from the tree of Asgard through the woods, smiling fondly at the screams emanating from the door to Halloweentown and imagining all the bunnies hopping about in Eastertown, to fly through the door of the Midgard-tree. Its bark still bore faint scorch-marks from Thanos' assault, but he was pleased to see it healing well.

Nick Fury was waiting on the roof when Thor arrived. "Something told me you'd be coming," he said, staring at their feet as the Bifrost shimmered into quiessence.

"Your new living roof is very beautiful," Thor said. Fury looked rather annoyed at the burn marks, so Thor tactfully refrained from mentioning that the addition of the Bifrost sigil really added greatly to the attraction, if only Fury could manage look at it without bias.

"So tell me what brings the Mighty Thor to our neck of the woods on Christmas Eve."

"It's about Santa," Thor said.

"Guy's cutting it down to the wire," Fury said. "The clock's running out. It's only three hours until Christmas starts in Siberia. Most years, he has his flight plan logged with us days in advance. I've got Stark on the line here, seeing what he can find."

Tony's voice emanated from a small device clipped to Fury's jacket. "Hi, Thor."

"Hello, my friend," Thor said to the device. He looked up at Fury. "Santa may not make it this year."

"What? The world depends on him."

"I come as an emissary of Asgard, offering our aid."

"Fine. Aid. Whatever. Just bring it fast. We can't let this ruin Christmas."

"My brother will be joining me shortly," Thor said delicately.

"A different brother, right? Not that crazy-eyed S.O.B."

"No, I do mean the crazy-eyed S.O.B. But he's much better now. We got married last month."

Fury blinked at him while Tony's laughter filled the air. "Come again? For a second there I thought you said you married your evil, megalomaniacal brother."

Thor looked uncomfortable. "Ah, yes. About that..."

"He's adopted? You know, that doesn't let you off the incest hook, buddy," said Tony.

"How do you know about the hook? Unless Jarvis now sees as well as Heimdall -"

Fury held his hands up. "Whoa, whoa. That's far enough down don't-want-to-know lane. But still. He's tried to kill you, to enslave the earth, and steal your throne. That doesn't really seem like someone safe to fall asleep next to."

"Yes. Those things..."

"Yes. Those things."

"It seems they were the product of sexual frustration. Loki was merely trying to get my attention."

"You're telling me that the near-destruction of New York was from a bad case of blue balls?" demanded Fury.

"I like them when they're blue," Thor said thoughtfully. "Of course, the rest of him changes as well."

Tony answered. "I'm not even going to ask. See? I'm growing up. I'm not asking the things I know I'd regret knowing."

"They look very nice when they're blue," Thor offered.

"This really isn't the time. Nor is anytime in my lifetime going to be the time. We need to focus," Fury ordered.

"I am merely desirous of assuring you, no harm will come of him."

"It's a bad idea," Tony said.

"Well, I don't see how we have a choice, unless we want to let Christmas get ruined," Fury snapped.

"Very well. Heimdall!" Thor called. "Please inform my brother that I am ready."

"He's not picking you up here," Fury said. "Tell him to meet you somewhere else."

"You said Christmas begins in Siberia, yes?" Thor asked. At Fury's nod, he looked up to the sky and shouted, "I shall meet him in Uelen."

“Better,” said Fury.

"Thank you, my friends. Please tell the other countries not to shoot at us. My brother is still rather touchy."

Thor gave Mjolnir a whirl and he was off, speeding through the icy air and hoping Loki wouldn't want them to dress up.

His hope, it turned out, was in vain. "I'm not wearing that hat," Thor said as he glared at the jingling monstrosity.

"Not even for the nipple clamps and the reinforced door frame?"

“No.”

“How about the knee socks and the filing cabinet?”

It was tempting, but Thor held firm. "Not even for that."

Loki deflated. "Oh," he said. "I just sort of thought you'd agree to wear it."

"No."

Loki hummed in thought a moment before brightening. "That's fine. Why hide your hair, anyway? Let's get going."

He had agreed with suspicious ease, and Thor watched him out the corner of his eye as he circled to the front of the sleigh to pat his goats hello before following Loki into the sleigh.

"How is this to work?" he asked.

"I have a list, and we fly around to all the houses and leave presents for the children."

"I'd like to see these presents first, if I may."

"Why, Thor, you don't trust me," Loki said, sounding wounded.

"I am familiar with your sense of mischief," Thor corrected. "And these people have fragile bodies."

Loki huffed, but he handed over the huge bag. Thor sank his hands deep inside, waiting for something to bite or sting or explode, but there was nothing. “They’re just toys,” he said.

“Yes. They’re just toys. And if we’re going to give out these toys and save Christmas, we need to get started.”

Loki clicked his tongue and they took to the skies. Their first stop wasn’t far, and the goats brought them to a rather abrupt landing on the roof. Loki skimmed over his list, retrieved two toys from his bag, and climbed to the top of the chimney. He winked at Thor and put his finger by his nose and disappeared straight down. Thor held the reins, waiting. When Loki returned he was brushing cookie crumbs from his lips and smiling. “They left me cookies!” he said happily. “I didn’t expect to get paid.”

Another tongue click and they were off to the next house and the whole thing repeated. They zigzagged north and south, never missing a single home. Some homes were more difficult than others – there was nowhere for the sleigh to land on top of a yurt, for example – but somehow it all worked out. Nor did time pass too quickly for them to keep up with the turning of the globe.

They were flying over Burma when Loki cocked his head, smiling. “Do you hear that?” he whispered.

Thor listened. A faint sound carried across the wind… a child’s cry of happiness. “It’s morning in Siberia,” Loki said. “Our first present has been found.”

More sounds were quickly added, growing stronger as dawn swept across the face of the planet until it felt as though they were carried on wings of laughter instead of seidr.

Not that it went entirely without difficulties, of course. Somewhere in Zambia Loki began looking bilious and bringing the cookies to Thor, and by the time they reached Scotland, Thor couldn’t eat any more either and had to feed them to the goats with a warning not to get used to it. But all in all, it was _good._ Loki’s eyes sparkled in the cold air and the toy bag never ran low and it was simply good to be saving Christmas together.

 

They were in Western Canada when shit went down. The sleigh had just landed on a roof and the goats were dancing to a stop in the deep snow when another jingle of bells pierced the night air. They stood together, staring upwards, until a red glow began to shine in the distance. It grew nearer, larger, until they saw that it was Rudolph, leading the team of reindeer, with Santa in his sleigh drawn behind.

"Sandy Claws!" Loki gasped.

The reindeer put the sleigh down (considerably more elegantly than the goats had managed to do) next to their own.

" _Thor?_ " said Santa. "I am shocked to find you participating in this, young man. I expected better of you." He pulled a pad of paper from his pocket and began scribbling furiously. The little elves who were clustered in the back seat crossed their arms and looked disapproving.

Thor blinked, too taken aback to speak.

"I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation for all of this. Why don't we split the rest of the list, and then we can talk things over once it's completed?" Loki suggested, pulling himself together.

Thor found his voice. "Loki and I are saving Christmas because you didn't show up!" he said heatedly.

"Didn't show up? The door to Christmastown was _glued shut_! And I think we can all guess the culprit," Santa said.

Loki laughed congenially. "I really don't see what all the fuss is about. As I suggested, let's finish these names. You must be ready for a break from all that cold weather back home. How about you take the Pacific Islands, and we'll take Alaska. We're happy to do that for you, Sandy."

"My name is _Santa_ , I will do _all_ the rest of list, and then I will find the two of you and we will have A Serious Talk."

Thor looked over at the reindeer. He always brought along carrots or apples when he expected to see them, but now his pockets were empty. He had thought they were on friendly terms by now even without the treats, but Blitzen looked away dismissively while Dasher rolled her eyes and Rudolph - who was _supposed_ to be the nice one - openly snorted.

Tanngrisnir snorted back, pawing at the roof. Prancer took a bold stance and peed on the snow while staring at them unblinking. Tanngnjóstr charged. Dancer met him. Their horns tangled while their battle cries filled the air. It would have been bad even if they weren’t dragging the sleighs behind them, but they were. Thor’s first instinct, to break up the fight, was abandoned as his eyes filled with visions of the teetering sleighs falling over and dumping all the toys onto the ground like a fresh layer of snow. They were just close enough that he could catch at them – the step of one, the side of the other – and pull them safely down onto their runners.

Santa, meanwhile, was tugging at Dancer’s harness, while Loki wrestled with Tanngnjóstr. Loki was doing all right with the wiry goat, but Dancer had a stocky build and Santa had sciatica. Thor stepped in and dragged the reindeer away.

“Oh, my back,” Santa moaned. He was standing doubled over, rubbing at his lower back with a mittened hand.

“Can I help?” Thor asked.

Santa snorted at him. “I would say the two of you have done enough, but now you’ll _have_ to finish my run. I can’t go down chimneys like this. But if I hear of _any_ mishaps-“

“There have been none, nor shall there be,” Loki interrupted.

“See that it’s so,” Santa told Thor.

“He just wanted to do something good. He’s still figuring out how,” Thor said quietly.

Santa softened. He really did have a soft spot for people who were trying. “Well, he was right about the cold weather. Maybe I’ll just head to Tahiti and have some quality beach time. Nothing like floating in the ocean to get these old bones happier,” he said.

Thor beamed at him. “Thank you, Santa. I promise this will be the only year.”

Santa gave a grunt of approval and climbed back in his sleigh. “Ho ho ho!” he yelled right at Loki. With a click of their hooves, the reindeer leapt into the sky.

“Did Sandy just call me a ho?” Loki asked.

“He sees everything. He’s like an old fat Heimdall.”

“Hmm. We’d best get going.”

The goats tried to click their hooves in imitation of the reindeer. They failed, but they flew extra fast to make up for it. There was perhaps an hour of work left, and then they would be going home. The sounds of happy children filled the cold skies around them as they snuggled together beneath the sleigh blanket.

“Is this how it feels to be a hero?” Loki asked.

Thor kissed him. “This is exactly how it feels to be a hero.”


End file.
